Comparison is a Thief of Joy

If there were anyone on this planet that struggles with the comparison game, I would have a bright neon arrow pointing at me. While this is a topic that is so present I would like to give some of my thoughts on what it means to compare and how we can overcome the little things on a daily basis that will help us grow into a person who is confident in who they are and who God has created them to be.

Why do we compare?

Golly, where do I even start with this? There are multiple reasons why someone may compare their life to someone else’s. A major factor in this (I know I’m saying it again) is social media. Obviously, we all know that not everything on there is real. There is so much photoshop, filters, and posts that represent the “highlights” of life.

Respectfully, stop looking at it. Unfollow the models, unfollow the rich and famous and unfollow any page that creates a comparison in your mind.

Some compare life status with their peers and I’m one of them. What does this mean? So and so has a better job than me. So and so has a better car than me. So and so is married and I’m pushing 30. The list goes on and on.

Athletes compare performance. Some days you can be really proud of a lift you got, right until someone the same size as you comes and makes that lift not only look better but it’s 30 pounds above yours.

These are just a couple of examples of comparison, specifically that have a role in how I compare myself to others. There is a big difference between finding someone better than you and being inspired to be better and the person that you end up saying “Man, I wish I had what she has.” That thin line can make or break you and it’s important to keep that in check. Let’s break down some methods of reinforcement that have begun to help me. Reminder, that I am coming to you with my life experience and things that I have learned.

How do I stop?

“Just stop” is a lot easier said than done. I am a genuine fixator, which means once my mind is set on something I have a really hard time walking away from it.

Walk away.

• If you’re in an environment that creates a constant comparison for you, take a break. Space is never a bad thing. Collect yourself. Get some confidence and then ease back in if you still want to be there.

Accountability.

• Vocalize to some friends that x, y, & z are things or people that you compare yourself to, and ask them if they have the energy and space to hold you accountable.

• This could look like, “Hey Lesk, I’ve noticed that you’re comparing ____ to ____ and I wanted to acknowledge that and help you to see that you don’t have to be the same.

• If you ask for accountability, you need to be mindful that when you’re called out you do not need to get mad about it. (Insert hehehes and hahahas here).

Acknowledge where you need work.

• It is no one’s responsibility to make your life better. If you don’t put in the work that becomes your own doing and the only one feeling sorry for you is you.

• The hard truth is a good truth. Sometimes you need to hear the hard truth. Take it in, evaluate yourself & get better.

Choose what you care about.

• Mark Manson has a book titled “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F–” (https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713.) Now, I know you’re all thinking… Lesk, should a Christian be reading a book with language in it? That is up to you and your convictions. Generally, I wouldn’t shout it from the rooftops but this is actually an amazing book, so you make what you will of it.

• The basis of this book is CHOOSING what you care about and what you shouldn’t. I needed this book in my life and if this sticks out to you, I recommend it.

• Sometimes we care too much. I’m not in any way saying to NOT care about things, I’m saying choose what you care about and choose wisely. Honestly, who cares what legging brand Becky has on? Why do you care? Why?

Have a Community.

• I love my friends deeply. It has been a long time since I’ve had such a solid group of friends that equally enjoy all the same things that I do. The older you get the more you associate with like-minded people both physically and mentally, and emotionally.

• Friends will cheer each other on in all aspects of life, and walk beside you in the trials and in the fields of success. Friends are so important. Choose them wisely.

• Cheer others on!! Even if they're ahead of you, there is no reason why you can't celebrate their wins too! Celebrating others helps them and you be better.

Tell the Media to Kick Rocks.

• I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Social media will not aid in the comparison game. Take some time, and unfollow a lot of people.

• Don’t be someone else in the media.

• The more you pretend to be someone you’re not on social media, the longer it will take for you to know who you are. One day you’re going to find yourself comparing yourself to your own Instagram because it's not real and you won’t know who you’re looking at in the mirror.

Love yourself for 5 extra minutes.

• If someone compliments you, take it. Seriously, for 5 minutes just take it.

• You may think you’re hard to love but don’t keep someone else from loving ya.

• Stop being mean to yourself for 10 more minutes. If you start, take a second and say “nope, not today Satan.” and move forward. Make this a habit.

• If something is damaging your mental health, cut it out. “No” is a full sentence.

• Be confident.

  • Lastly, being confident is not equivalent to selfishness or being full of yourself. It’s okay to be proud of you.

Easier said than done right?

I know that this is all easier said than done. However, if you put forth the effort it is possible. For what it’s worth, I think everyone deserves to be kind to themselves a little more. I hope that one day, to the ones who read this find this blog helpful and encouraging. You are important, you are unique, and trust me, you don’t have to be anyone else to be cared about. Find yourself and enjoy it.

XOXO- Lesk

“When you begin to walk your own journey, to have your own unique conversation, you will naturally stop feeling envious of others. Not because you’ll realize your desires are different from theirs, but because they are so similar. You’ll discover the difference between doing well and pretending to do well, between being happy and pretending to be happy, between healthy relationships and staged ones. You’ll see just how many obstacles lie on any path. You’ll realize that it takes the same amount of effort to work on building up the quality of the conversations in your life as it does to broadcast to the public, constantly, that those conversations are already perfect. You can either build up the mask or build up the authentic self. And you, brave and beautiful you, will make the right choice eventually. Be it now or on your deathbed. We all realize soon enough.”

― Vironika Tugaleva