Friendships & History

We all have that one friend or friends that have been through hell and back together. As much as we all strive to have ourselves together it doesn’t always seem to work that way. We have all been given a different deck of cards for this so-called life and some decks have a lot more jokers than others. Jokers being the really unfortunate moments in life. So how do we maintain friendships with those who have had a lot of jokers?

Importance of the 5 Love Languages

Often enough people assume that the 5 love languages are for your significant other and that’s it. I am a firm believer that knowing the love languages of your friends will not only keep the friendship for the long haul but will teach you valuable things such as communication, boundaries and when to take action.

Boundaries

One boundary I think everyone should have is the knowledge that it is not your job to fix people. Let me say that again. It is not your job to fix people. I have to set boundaries towards some people because I have a really big heart and sometimes when I can’t help someone it really sits deep with me. I constantly have to remind myself that it is not my job to fix anyone. It is your job as a friend to support and encourage maybe things like counseling, therapy, and self evaluation to keep them on the path of self improvement. I highly recommend not putting the weight of fixing someone on your shoulders. It's only your job to be there when they need it.

The second boundary comes with the intake of information. Friends with trauma can bring a lot of so called baggage or what I like to think of as ‘life experience’. The stories that they tell can bring emotions to you that perhaps you’ve never experienced before and it’s important that you know 1) how to process those emotions and 2) how much information you are willing to take in. Your friend will understand if you need time to process these emotions, just don’t bail because it seems hard. If they’re strong enough to go through it, you can be strong enough to stick around.

Validation

Never and I mean it, devalue someones feelings. If your friend is being transparent with you and communicating feelings they have they are valid. Even if you don't quite agree or understand it. There's not a deep explanation over this other than don't devalue someones feelings.

Sticking Around

The good thing about your so called difficult friends. They are some of the most down to earth and loyal friends you will ever have. They have an extra dose of life experience so if you ever need advice they’ll probably give some good advice. They will also treasure your friendship for you and not for what you bring to the table. They’re the ones you want around when life gets tough because they will help you get through it.

Friends are supposed to be there for you, regardless of the hard times, regardless of your past. Remember that your past doesn’t have to predict your future. Your top 5 friends, however, will determine a path for your future. Choose the good ones, the ones that will stick around. Trust me, sticking around the brutally honest ones are worth it. LOVE your friends. Love them hard! Until next time, I hope this helps some of your friendships!